How Spiritual Entrepreneurs Sabotage Our Clients (and Ourselves) By Underselling
Imagine a single mother of 3 walks onto a car lot. Her car died for good and she’s upset. She hasn’t been saving for a car and doesn’t have much extra money. (Feeding a family of 4 on one salary is not easy these days!)
The salesman on the lot is a very sensitive guy. He feels her stress and tries to think of how he can help. He remembers that the son of one of the mechanics has a tiny and tired 2 seat car – just a tad more functional then the Citicar in the picture – that he’s selling. The woman leaves the dealership having only spent $1,800 and she now has a running car. Problem solved, right?
She’s going to be miserable. She’s the only parent of three children. Duh! Despite his good intentions, the salesman contributed to a stressful and challenging situation …
Underselling is NOT Spiritual
In business lingo, we would call the salesman’s actions “underselling.” In other words, the mom really needed something like a good used mid-sized sedan or perhaps a minivan. Something reliable. With the best financing available …
In a culture that tries to push brand new, $40,000 SUV’s on our example mother, it’s understandable that our sensitive car guy went in the opposite direction. But the truth is both are distortions compared to her real needs.
Understanding this dynamic is key to understanding why so many spiritual entrepreneurs struggle and ultimately fail. Our own intensity around money and business often interact with and amplify those of our clients. The result is a distracting haze that gets in the way of important needs being satisfied.
Stepping Out of Ego Based Distortion
I encourage you to cultivate a Zen fierceness about listening deeply to what your clients REALLY need. As best you can, train your awareness to leave cost out of the picture in the first part of a conversation. Instead, focus on asking questions and listening very deeply to the true nature of the challenge. These are the basic spiritual principles of compassion and mindfulness in action. And just by the fact that your called to be a spiritual entrepreneur says to me that you got what it takes!
In other words, you’re already well equipped for business success. Just turn down the volume on the ego based fear. Instead, listen. And then deepen the conversation. Repeat at least several times. Once you get good at this, the next step is relaxing into the conversation about how best to meet those needs and how much the various options cost. But don’t rush. Start with listening, mindfulness and true compassion.
What’s your experience with underselling, overselling and being a spiritual entrepreneur? I’d love to hear about it in the form of a comment below!
Love this analogy Paul. So often as sensitive/spiritual coaches we can feel the other person’s pain and instead of giving the solution that will help them out the quickest, we empathise with their financial solution and in the process undersell ourselves. When we do this we are in danger of watering our coaching down and not giving them what they need.
“When we do this we are in danger of watering our coaching down and not giving them what they need.” Exactly Andrea! In fact, I think much of the coaching world is in this situation. The brand of “coach” is starting to feel ineffective to many people. And this dynamic is at the core of that. Thanks for sharing Andrea!
So simply put but a powerful message Paul, as always from you!
I’ve found it helpful to switch my thinking around from “How much will it cost them?” with its attendant unspoken fears of “What if they can’t pay, what if they think I’m a fraud, what if I can’t deliver?” to “What is the value of the end result to my potential client?” To become free from weekly disabling migraines for the first time in 25 years £______. To turn around from the brink of suicide to living a life that has meaning, purpose and loving connections £______. To be able to leave your home feeling safe for the first time in 12 years £_____.
Marion,
Glad it’s helpful! One of the exercises I do with my paying clients is have them go VERY deeply through the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial costs if a prospective client DOES NOT get help. It’s a game changer!
Thanks for stopping by!
Perfect timing with this, Paul. I’ve been pondering the number of clients I’ve reduced my fees for latetly and not liking how this feels. The options are shorter sessions, less frequently, group coaching, classes. etc. Thanks for nudging me closer to clarity!
Glad it’s helpful Janice. With the launch of this site, I raised my prices for individual sessions to a rate that feels really, really good. Before that, I was creating stress for myself by buying into my prospective clients’ unhelpful beliefs about money. Now I have more options, exactly along the lines of: “shorter sessions, less frequently, group coaching, classes. etc.”
I’m glad to hear that you’re operating that way too Paul. Rock it!!
🙂
Totally feel you on this one Paul. And I’m glad your open about how you raised your pricing to what felt good. It can definitely be a struggle standing in your power in pricing your services when you get caught up in the stories of your clients and when we don’t see the true value of our offers and the continued heavy costs to our clients livelihoods.
Hey JeeJee,
Yes, it sure is easy to get caught up in our clients stories. Especially when we have powerful stories of our own! 🙂
PS: Love the title of your last blog post. Look forward to reading it!
Good post. Here’s to your Google rank.
Thanks Michael!
Paul, once again you hit a Bingo with me! Of course, it makes so much sense! I never wanted to admit that with a low paying client I felt a little bit less generous, a little put out and realize that they can feel it energetically too…my friend keeps encouraging me to raise my prices …and I have and it is working out. Your website is very alive and vibrates very high…it feels good to be here!!
Brenda,
“I never wanted to admit that with a low paying client I felt a little bit less generous, a little put out and realize that they can feel it energetically too” I resisted accepting that for many years Brenda. Now I see that there are more options than I used to think. I’m working more offerings into my business so that people at a range of income can take part. That feels much better than trying to work 1-on-1 at a low fee.
And thanks for you kind words about the new site. I’m very excited! (((Gratitude)))
Great Work ! Keep it up ….Love it !!!
Thanks Matthew! 🙂
Paul, I love the car sale analogy. This article brought up another thought, too … in NOT selling to people who really don’t need your solution. As in, having them on the phone, and they want to buy something because they love your work, but you truly don’t think they need it, and sending them on their merry way, or referring them to someone else.
I agree that many spiritual entrepreneurs connect people with a solution that’s less than what they need because their big heart opens up and feels bad for the person. It truly is a disservice to make assumptions about people’s ability to pay, too! What you said makes a lot of sense, and really comes down to simply seeking a truth-based alignment in what you offer someone … if they need a certain solution, you offer it. If they don’t buy it, it’s okay, but you know you have done right by them.
Beth,
Thanks for your very thoughtful comment! I’m really grateful you brought up “NOT selling to people who really don’t need your solution”. That is a very mature approach. Takes courage to say this. And I really appreciate you for introducing it into this conversation. (((Gratitude)))
The car analogy illustrates your point brilliantly. One of my favorite lines in your piece is “I encourage you to cultivate a Zen fierceness about listening deeply to what your clients REALLY need.” If you want to hone your salesmanship, talk less and listen with Zen fierceness. Love this!
Thanks Forrest! The poet David Whyte talks about that Zen fierceness as “Grandmotherly love.” As in, someone who loves you enough to say “what’s really going on here?” That frame helped me get over my distortions around pricing and selling …
hello Paul, hah, great analogy, car showed your point of view perfectly, (ha! even picture is perfect for it :D)
Glad it’s helpful Denny!
Sad to say that there are salesman out there who would sell anything in order for them to earn money without thinking about the need/s of their buyer. This is just an insightful article! Good job!
Robert,
There sure are …