paulzelizer.com

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The other day I spoke with a man who, after years of working in a corporate environment, is excited about having his own business.  Though it’s been up and running for about six months, to date he only has a few clients.

“Why am I not seeing the success I want?” he asked.  It’s not from lack of knowledge – he’s attended the “right” seminars, read the popular books and spent many hours networking with people in his area.

Notice Yourself Trying to Stuff the Apple

In my coaching, I use a technique I call The Energetic Movie Technique, adapted from the EFT Movie Technique.  In it, I have a client watch the energetic exchange between themselves and the people they want to engage for their success goals.

As my client was watching his movie, I asked him to notice his prospective client’s experience.  His answer: “I am giving them too much information.  As a prospective client, I feel overwhelmed.”

As I heard him say this, I remembered a Sufi teaching story.  I shared it with him.

Once, there was a wise Sufi teacher and a new teacher who was ready to attract her first student.  As they were talking, a man approached asking more about the Sufi path.

The experienced teacher asked the new teacher to explain the basics.  So the new teacher launched into the important mystical concepts.  When she was done, the man said, “Thank you – that was very helpful.”  And he went on his way.

After he left, the wise teacher said, “We will never hear from him again.”  The new teacher asked why.  “Because you tried to stuff the whole apple down his mouth.  In order to attract students, you must cut a thin, crisp slice of the apple and place it lovingly on his tongue. You must let him taste of the wisdom and ask for more.”

Let Kindness and Love Lead You To Success

In our busy world, it’s easy to mistake trying to cram in the whole apple with being respectful of people’s time.    When we do this, we increase the feeling of overwhelm that the people around us feel.  Do you know anyone who is deeply desiring more overwhelm in their lives?

Once my client understood the energetic foundation of the thin apple slice, inspiration immediately began flowing.  He saw ways he could start offering “a good taste of my business offered with kindness and love.”  He left the session knowing in his bones how to increase his success.

I know I’ve tried to stuff an apple or two in my time.  How about you?  Can you think of a time you’ve tried to forced feed your success?  Can you also think of a time when you gave just the right sized taste and someone asked for more?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the form of a comment below.

In today’s economy, people are paying more attention to how they spend their money.  In my mind, mindfulness around money is very important.

At the same time, our world is changing rapidly and many people don’t have a clear vision of how they can thrive in this environment.  Unless you’re an ostrich, there are MUCH better strategies than putting your head in sand and hoping these changes will pass you by.

Say YES! to your dreams

Affordable coaching – not an oxymoron

One of the things a good coach does is help you gain clarity.  Having a clear relationship with money, knowing your passion, and understanding who you can best serve are essential for increasing your success in the realities of today’s world.

But what do you do if you know you could really use the clarity that coaching provides but you don’t have a large bag of money under your bed?

Here are 5 strategies for making coaching affordable:

1. Get a buddy. One very common mistake most clients make is not having support other than a coach.  A good prosperity or mastermind buddy allows you to make progress before, during and after your coaching session.    It’s a FREE way to ensure you fast track your paid coaching progress.  Click here to read more.
2. Ask for and complete assignments. A good coach will almost always help you find concrete actions that you can be working on between sessions.  Ignoring these will slow down your progress and increase both your frustration and expenses.
3. Consider group coaching. Individual coaching is much more expensive than group coaching.  Most established coaches offer group programs that are affordable and effective.  When structured correctly, a good coaching group is actually MORE effective.
4. Be honest about the cost of staying the same. The first question that many people ask is, “How much does coaching cost?”.  This is an important question.  It is also important to know compared to what? In other words, how does the costs of change measure up to the cost of staying the same.  Ask yourself, “What will things look like for me a year from now if I stay on the same track?  Here’s a blog post on this topic.
5. Pick a coach who has the skills for rapid progress. Don’t just look at hourly rates when you’re looking for a coach.  An experienced coach with the right skills can often help you accomplish your goals MUCH FASTER.  For instance, my experience is that energy psychology tools like EFT often lead to much more progress in each session than traditional coaching.

These days, most people are thinking about money differently than in the past.  While I want you to be mindful, I also want to suggest that there are ways to pursue your dreams in a way that you can feel good about.  I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in the form of a comment below.

It happens often.  I get an email or a phone call from someone who’s reaching out because they have “tried almost everything”.  They then go on to list, almost like a resume, all the things that have “failed” to increase their success.

When I first started doing this work, I didn’t know what to say.  I knew that the principles of attraction, spiritual entrepreneurship and energy psychology are always operating.  Yet, there are large numbers of people who aren’t seeing the results they want.  What’s up with THAT?!?

Spiritual Window Shopping – A Centuries Old Tradition

As I’ve gained more experience with this work, I’ve noticed a few patterns.  To help understand these dynamics, I’d like to use a poem by Rumi (one of my favorite poets) called These Spiritual Window Shoppers.  Though written over 750 years ago,  I think it’s still very useful.   Here’s how the poem starts:

These spiritual window-shoppers,
who idly ask, ‘How much is that?’ Oh, I’m just looking.
They handle a hundred items and put them down,
shadows with no capital.

How to be a GREAT Spiritual Window Shopper

In my work, I get to talk to LOTS of people.  From the perspective of observing so many people, I’d like to share with you some of the most common mistakes I see.  But instead of another “here’s the 5 biggest mistakes” blog post (B-O-R-I-N-G!), I thought it would be fun to lay out exactly how to ruin your success by being a GREAT Spiritual Window Shopper. Here are the 5 key strategies:

1. Check out a huge number of people’s stuff very shallowly. A champion window shopper knows all the big names and the latest lingo.  So get surfing.  Don’t ever spend more than a few minutes with any one person’s stuff.  You want to impress people with the QUANTITY of how much stuff you’ve been exposed to.  Forget about the quality of your knowledge base.
2. Don’t ever complete suggested exercises or implement new ideas. You know those exercises and implementation ideas that all knowledgeable people suggest?  IGNORE them.  Listen to the voice that tells you that you are “too busy”.  After all, you’ve got more windows to check out.  Who wants to waste time on a silly thing like change?
3. NEVER work with a live person. The thing about real people is that they ask you honest questions and share authentic feedback.  As a spiritual window shopper, you don’t want that kind of hassle.  You have more important things to do.  Stick to website copy, free ebooks, short videos and the like.
4. Do not pay attention to the new currency – RELATIONSHIPS. There is a lot of talk these days about the new economy – “the social economy.”   Don’t pay attention to this pointless drivel.  Building authentic relationships and being clear on who you can best serve?  You have much more important things to do.
5. Nothing deep matters. “Nothing deep matters” is a spiritual window shopper’s mantra.   Your thoughts, feelings, and actions have nothing to do with your success.  It’s all how things look and what’s popular at the moment.  Did you hear about that top ten list about what’s hot this week from that very famous person?  Now that’s important!

Now that you know the deepest secrets of GREAT spiritual window shoppers, I’m curious about your thoughts.  What’s the coolest window display you’ve ever seen?  And how would you know if someone – GASP! – wasn’t a window shopper but actually wanted to take real steps to increase her/his success?  What would you suggest to him/her?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the form of a comment below.

As I write this post from my favorite cafe, there’s snow coming down and the weather guy tells us were in for two more days of it. It has me thinking about my current lifestyle.  I’m one of those lucky folks that can work from anywhere. I almost never HAVE to go out.

It hasn’t always been this way.  8 years ago,  I was the director of a small, innovative non-profit.  While we were doing great work, the organization was barely making it financially and I was only earning about $30,000 per year.   Given my experience and my responsibilities as a new dad, this was source of great frustration.

Is staying stuck costing you?

Part of me was ready for a change.  I remember buying a book called, The Therapist as Life Coach. With my experience, I knew I had what it took to be a great coach.  However, I couldn’t wrap my brain around how to attract clients.  I started looking into coaching for this.  I realized it was going to take thousands of dollars plus time to learn what I needed to know.

Staying the Same Costs $100,000’s

At this point, I did what many people do – I said, “I don’t have the money or the time for this.“  I tried to put my dreams on the shelf and go on living the same small life.

When we really have a dream, it isn’t easy to sweep it under the rug.  My abandoned intentions of helping more people and making an authentic 6 figure income festered.  The energy came out in the form of frustration towards my then wife.  I turned into one very unhappy camper.

My ex soon got tired of living with this negative guy.  She kicked me out and started divorce proceedings.  Over a short period of time, I lost EVERYTHING. I found myself alone in an efficiency apartment in a new city.

From my new perspecitve, I realized that my limiting beliefs around money had been operating my entire adult life – more than 20 years.  I could see that if I had made a relatively small investment of money and time, I would likely have made a HUGE financial return in addition to the spiritual, physical and emotional ones.

In fact, multiplied over the period of my adult life, I could see that my decision to stay the same was the most expensive decision I had ever made.

What are the TRUE Costs?

Fortunately, the mess I describe above has had some incredible benefits.  For instance, I was introduced to energy psychology tools like EFT – I don’t know how I would have survived the divorce without it.  And, I finally sought out several coaches that helped me learn the mindset and marketing skills that I use in the work I do now.

In my work with clients today, I often hear about their thoughts and fears upon adding up the costs of what learning new skills are going to cost.  In truth, I want you to do this figuring. I don’t want you to blindly commit to a process that is a major investment of time and money.

At the same time, I also want to you to honestly ask yourself the question, “What will it cost me if I stay the same?“  Too many people add up the costs of change carefully while completely ignoring the fact that staying on the same track will also impact your life financially and otherwise.

How do the costs of change compare to the costs of staying on the same track you are on?  Five years from now where will you be if you stay on exactly the road you are on right now? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the form of a comment below.

It was about 9pm on New Year’s Eve.  I was sweaty and had a big smile on my face from dancing.  A friend who knows what I do from Facebook (I promise not to insert my “why social networking is awesome” speech) and I started chatting.  After hugs and wishes for good things in the new year, she asked “Why does EFT work?”

This friend is trained as a counselor and knows many healing modalities.  She has just started using EFT and was already experiencing some results that got her attention.  Like many people, she wants to know “what is up with this stuff??”  It’s a very reasonable question.

Why does EFT work?

We have educated guesses, not answers.

On one level, the honest answer is “We don’t know.”  People like Dawson Church at The Soul Medicine Institute are researching EFT now.  A decade from now, we’re likely to have a much better understanding of the mechanics of energy psychology tools.

In the meantime, “We don’t know” is both not very satisfying and also, on another level, not completely true.

More than 30 years ago, Dr. Roger Callahan began practicing energy psychology in the United States.  Since than, hundreds of thousands of people have conducted tens of millions of EFT sessions.  Gary Craig alone has introduced over 1 million people to EFT through www.emofree.com.

While there is no definitive scientific answer about why EFT works, I believe that the embodied experience of the EFT community can help us understand this.

EFT is not the healer, love is.

In November 2009, Gary Craig did an interview with an Indian therapist named Jasmine Bharathan.  Click here to read the interview.  After two decades and countless of EFT sessions, Gary Craig sums up what many of us in the EFT world are coming to believe.  He says, “EFT is not the healer, love is”.

Albert Einstein once said, “You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.”  I am coming to see that at an energetic level EFT is largely a process that allows love and acceptance into the difficult places in our lives.  By increasing the available self-love and self-acceptance, stuck energies begin to move through our system.

Yes, this is a simplistic explanation.  In the coming years we are likely to learn much more about the detailed mechanics of different energy psychology tools.  At the same time, if my grandmother Edy were around today, I believe that she’d: 1) be proud of the healing work I do with EFT and 2) understand that increasing self-love around painful issues would allow a person to get on with her/his life.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this in form of a comment below.  Why do you think EFT works?

This morning EFT founder Gary Craig announced he will be retiring on January 15th, 2010 due to a heart problem.  In the short space of less than 20 years, Gary introduced almost 1 million people to the healing power of meridian tapping.  Energy psychology tools like EFT have had a profound effect on my life and no one has done more to introduce them to the world than Gary.

EFT Founder Gary Craig

Honestly, there have been some times that I have been frustrated with Gary and decisions he’s made.  At the same time, I can authentically say that I am deeply grateful to Gary.  He has shown a tremendous willingness to innovate, share, and inspire.

Gary, may your retirement be restful and may you feel the appreciation of the thousand and thousands of us who have benefited from your work.

To read more about Gary’s thoughts on his retirement and to share your thoughts with him in the form of a comment, click here.

Earlier this year I had the opportunity to visit (thanks to my friend Soren Gordhamer) the corporate headquarters of Zappos.com, a $1 Billion per year internet shoe company.  In our meetings with CEO Tony Hsieh and other important leaders, I thought we were going to talk about the role of the internet in today’s successful companies.

While we did talk about this, I learned something MUCH more important.  I learned that it was OK to have FUN in business.

Paul in Zappos throne

From laughter at the reception desk to the skeleton in a pirate suit that greets you when you walk through the main doors, the folks at Zappos know how to have FUN!  In fact, they are famous for asking “How weird are you?” during job interviews.

The visit had a profound impact on me and my business.  I realized that I was trying too hard to be a serious-ly successful coach.  And, I was attracting clients who also had a tendency to try too hard.

In the past few months, I have come out of the closet about my weirdness.  I’ve joked more and started writing the world’s first Highly Irreverent Tapping Manual (click here to read about it).  At the recent Tapper’s Gathering in Colorado, I subtitled my presentation on EFT for Abundance, “How Coyote can bring you all the money you want – IF you let him.“  In addition to incredible feedback, that presentation brought a number of awesome new clients.

As I’ve given myself permission to bring more fun (and a little weirdness) into my coaching, my clients are seeing positive shifts much more quickly.  Just this morning a client posted this comment:

Thank you SOOO much for helping me to get out of the serious and into the fun of it all.

Recently, I’ve read several business gurus whose answer to success in today’s economy is to hustle even more.  I know that many people are already feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.  Hustle more?!?

This week, I’d like to invite you to consider the words of Dale Carnegie when he said “People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.”

If you’d like to read more about how Zappos creates fun and a little weirdness in their business, check out their blog post.  If having fun is contributing to your success, I’d really appreciate it if you would would share in a comment below about how you’re doing this. If it’s hard to imagine how you could be having more fun and success in your life, then let’s have a chat.

I have a confession to make.  I have been resisting creating an EFT product even though I get asked for one frequently.   After hearing myself yesterday explain to Till Schilling, the creator of Tappy Bear, why I’m best working with people and need to interact to shine (Resistance.  Blah, blah, blah.), I decided it was time to do some inner work.

There is an old folk saying that “curiousity killed the cat”.  It’s wrong.  Curiousity doesn’t kill cats – it melts resistance. So, I asked myself, “What is up with the fighting?”  I tapped on the feelings.  It turns out that EFT founder Gary Craig was right.  The results I got  made my jaw drop.

EFT can be fun!

Turns out, I had a belief system that went like this:  “Products are B-O-R-I-N-G.  I don’t want to be boring.  So I can’t create a product.”

As I released my “I don’t want to be boring” issue, new thoughts started flowing.  EFT is a very funny looking yet very effective thing we use to clear up some of the stickiest issues in our lives.  Lots of material for playing with the paradox there.   What if I wrote an EFT manual that was fun and effective? I instantly noticed one of the best indicators of high vibrational states of being – a smile.

Then a new limiting belief popped up (goodbye smile).  Would anyone actually want to buy my irreverent EFT manual? I’ll spare you the details of the self-worth issues behind that question.  I’ll give you the 140 character, Twitter version.  I tapped some more.  Darn EFT stuff worked again.

I remembered this really cool thing called a blog where I could get feedback from cool people like you.  I am thinking of writing a manual called From Chaotic to Clarity: How to Use EFT and Humor Attraction to Clear Overwhelm.  It would start out something like this:

What you hold in your hands is the world’s first highly irreverent and effective EFT for Overwhelm manual.  And, the truth is, this manual almost never got written.

From there, I would go on to share how I combine EFT and humor to help clients shift from feelings of overwhelm into states of being much clearer and more able to create the lives they want.   I would love to hear your thoughts in the form of a comment below.  Thanks in advance!

One of the Law of Attraction tools that is most helpful to my clients is the The Emotional Scale.  It’s from the Abraham-Hicks books, Ask And It Is Given. I often have client’s print out a copy and post it in a place where they will see it several times a day – like their desk, on the door of the fridge or a bathroom mirror.  It’s a great tool to become more mindful of our daily energetic state.

Click here to get a printable copy of The Emotional Scale

If you don’t need a printout:

The Emotional Scale

1)  Joy/Knowledge/Empowerment/Freedom/Love/Appreciation
2)  Passion
3)  Enthusiasm/Eagerness/Happiness
4)  Positive expectation/Belief
5)  Optimism
6)  Hopefulness
7)  Contentment
8)  Boredom
9)  Pessimism
10) Frustration/Irritation/Impatience
11) Overwhelment
12) Disappointment
13) Doubt
14) Worry
15) Blame
16) Discouragement
17) Anger
18) Revenge
19) Hatred/Rage
20) Jealousy
21) Insecurity/Guilt/Unworthiness
22) Fear/Grief/Depression/Despair/Powerlessness

Overwhelm.  It’s everywhere these days. It’s one of the top stumbling blocks to success and one of the biggest issues my new clients come to me with.

Ready to get rid of overwhelm?

Honestly, I have had a pretty intimate relationship with overwhelm myself.  For instance, I remember the time early in my coaching business where I found myself standing in the hallway between the office and the kitchen.  I had gone back and forth 4 times and couldn’t remember why.  I couldn’t even remember if I wanted to be in the kitchen or the office.

Today, I can look back at myself as an overwhelmed newbie with compassion.  I can tell that story with a smile on my face and see how I have grown.  I appreciate that I haven’t felt that kind of overwhelm for a long time.

In a session with a client recently, she started at an overwhelm level of 9 on a ten point scale.  Thanks to EFT and a priority setting exercise, she was feeling “clear and great” by the end of the session.  Her overwhelm feeling was almost gone and she was excited to move forward with the energy of clarity.

Then she asked me, “Paul, how did do you get rid of overwhelm – for good?”

Her question got me thinking about the journey from Overwhelmics Anonymous candidate to being able to maintain more positive emotional states over time.  In addition to my own experience, I thought about the experience of successful coaches I know – like Jen Blackert, Chip Engelmann, Jeanette Maw and Gurutej who took part in last weeks Spiritual Tools that WORK series.

The truth is that successful people don’t feel overwhelmed very often. Why? Do successful people have a overwhelm resistance strand on their DNA?  Are they born without the capacity to feel overwhelm? Of course not.

As I explored what’s common about the successful people I know, I saw that there are 3 things that successful people know how to do that prevents them from getting stuck in overwhelm.  I’d like to share with you the 3 Keys to Saying Goodbye to Overwhelm- For Good:

1. Create positive thoughts – on a daily basis. Bill Baren is an executive and life coach whose business is so full that he has hired 4 other coaches to keep up with demand.   When asked about his secret to success, Bill says it’s daily journaling.   Each day he writes about what he appreciates about his clients and what he’s learned.  He says it keeps his attitude exceptionally positive.  My Mastermind partner, Sejual Shah uses EFT and attraction principles in the same manner.  While the tools may differ, successful people take responsibility for creating positive thoughts and a focused mind on a daily basis.
2. Cultivate a service mindset.  Susan Evans is the founder of Helpingpreneur.com.  She has built a $250,000 per year business on the foundation of helping business owners help more people.   When you make a deeper commitment to service, you will start to see ways to leverage your knowledge to help more people.  Three examples of how my clients are doing this: blogging, creating products, and offering group programs.   When you help more people, you feel better and your income naturally rises.
3. Develop a success team. Successful people know the value of a support network.  From Mastermind groups to online communities to individual coaching, there are support options for people at every level of the process.  There is a direct relationship between feelings of overwhelm and disconnect.  If you are regularly feeling overwhelmed, I invite you to increase the amount of support you have for your goals.

Though they seem simple, these three strategies will help you say goodbye to overwhelm – for good.   Try making a commitment to practice these three steps for one month.  I’d love to hear what happens for you.